As a Leader, it’s your responsibility to lead your Team by example. And in some cases, that means focusing on how your behavior impacts others.
Noticing and adjusting your behavior can change both the emotional climate in your Team and positively impact your entire Organization.
1. Stand up for yourself so that you can stand up for your Team
As a Leader, you must overcome any of your own emotional insecurity and speak up in tough situations, even if you might have a personality that shies away from conflicts. It’s not about standing up to others, it’s about finding your voice. How can you defend your team if you cannot speak up for yourself?
An easy practice to check in with your emotional self is to track the number of times you re-run your memory of a particularly uncomfortable scenario that occurs regularly.
If your Team does not witness you standing up for yourself, or for them when the stakes are low, imagine how they might anticipate your ability to confront a more difficult scenario.
2. Create a safe environment
A strong Leader will notice if your emotional climate needs some warming up and immediately spring into action. They know to ask good questions, build some rapport, grow Team camaraderie, and then get the Team focused on the Product.
Start with empathy. Empathy is more about you than your Team Members. You will know when you are an empathetic Leader if your Team wants to work with you rather than against you.
Don’t confuse empathy with sympathy. Empathy is the ability to listen and understand with thoughtful consideration. Empathy can be done assertively. Those of you who may be all “command and control” may be getting complaints. Use these as opportunities to improve your nuances in language. Often, particularly if people are upset, it’s not what you are saying, it’s what the person hears.
Listen and observe others for signs of stress. Stress interferes with the ability to learn, and therefore, it impedes the ability to innovate and solve problems. When Team Members get stressed, it manifests in negative emotions. The Team may stop looking for solutions and start to withdraw from participating in events. Take note of disengaging behaviors.
3. Ask Open-Ended Questions
When people are upset, don’t just ask, “Why are you upset?” This will potentially make them defensive and more upset. Try phrases like:
“Can you tell me more about what happened?”
“What can I do to resolve this matter so you can return to the team and get on with our event?”
Practice replacing the direct, and possibly intrusive phrase “What are you thinking?” with these nuances:
“What are your thoughts on this? Please share them with us.”
“May I share my thoughts and then hear yours?”
People respond more openly to requests than demands.
4. Wait 8 Seconds
Most facilitators do not give people time to think. They ask a question and want an answer. Your job is to resist the temptation to jump in. Switch off your brain from “I need to speak” to “Let me listen.”
Give your Team 8 seconds to give them time to think and understand. Even better, give them time to really problem-solve: “I’ll come back to you in two minutes.”
Overall, be sure to practice!
1. Write out one scenario you will script and practice to be comfortable delivering next time it comes up.
2. Pause here and write down the names of three people on your Team who appear disengaged to you in some way.
3. Write down three ideas to show them support collaboratively.
Remember, these tips are about helping you to explore different ways to behave or communicate that are more effective for you both as an individual and as a Team. If you show your vulnerability and willingness to improve your own emotional EQ, perhaps others will, too. Everyone on the Team should be invested in furthering a safe environment that fosters innovation.
